your thong is hanging out like whoa
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
