Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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