Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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