i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Mom said you looked used
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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