i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
