I just threw up on my dentist
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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