Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
This beer is not sobering me up at all
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
