I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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