I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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