If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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