He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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