just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
