Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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