it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
