I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
