this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
