You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
