I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
