I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
