The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize