And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
