It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
