butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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