I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
