Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
They are going to name an STD after you.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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