What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
