I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
