if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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