Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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