the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize