hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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