oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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