plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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