Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
