I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
