please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
