She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
