you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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