Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
