The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
