Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
