i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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