ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
