When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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