If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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