How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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