Please, let me fuck your mom
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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