Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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