The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
