I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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