people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize