so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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