FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
