yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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