Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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