It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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