which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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