Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
