So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
