Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
babies were throwing up all over the place
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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