I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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