doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So apparently I’m into choking now
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