I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
