I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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