i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
