so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
