if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize