i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
