dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
