She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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