I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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