I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
