'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize