PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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