You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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